[Tobias discovers that George Sr. has been living in the attic] 
Tobias Fünke : What are you doing up here?
George Sr. : I'm having a fucking tea party, what does it look like? I live here. You tell anyone, you are DEAD.
[he shoves Tobias up against the wall with his hand against his mouth] 
George Sr. : Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.
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Michael Bluth : Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?
George Sr. : First time.
Michael Bluth : I've never heard of a second.
George Sr. : I got the worst
[bleep] 
George Sr. : -ing attorneys.
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Michael : I burned it. Down to the ground.
George Sr. : There was money in that banana stand.
Michael : Well, it's all gone now.
George Sr. : There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.
Michael : What?
George Sr. : Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said...
[strangles Michael] 
George Sr. : [yells]  There is money... in... the banana stand.
Prison guard : [George Sr. quickly takes his hands off Michael]  No Touching.
George Sr. : No touching.
Prison guard : No touching.
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Narrator : In an effort to "hip" up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet.
[Gob is acting as a black puppet named Franklin in front of the family] 
Gob : [as Franklin]  Can I tell you something, my man?
Gob : [as himself]  Sure, Franklin.
Gob : [as Franklin]  You are one cool
[bleep] 
Gob : . Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.
[the puppet 'kisses' Lucille] 
George Sr. : Get off my wife, you bastard.
[strangles Franklin] 
Gob : [as Franklin]  What's the matter with you?
Gob : [in the present]  Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
Michael : Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob : He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.
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George Sr. : What is this is they have on me? You keep talking about a fact. You keep saying "I know for a fact." What fact?
Cindi Lightballoon : Faith. I have faith my prayers will free you.
George Sr. : Faith is not a fact.
Cindi Lightballoon : Oh, yes it is. You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom.
Narrator : George, Sr. had said faith is a fact. Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage.
George Sr. : Faith is a fact. No, faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact.
George Sr. : [in the present]  I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is?
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George Sr. : I think it's a mistake letting George Michael go on this church thing.
Michael : Her name is Ann, Dad, and he's not "going on" her.
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George Sr. : I'm paying thousands of dollars in Krugerrands.
Lindsay Funke : What?
George Sr. : Gold Krugerrands. Your mother snuck them in here, stuffed them in energy bar wrappers to keep me from getting strangled in the shower or worse.
Lindsay Funke : Stabbed?
George Sr. : In a way. I use them to pay off the other guys to stop them from hollering obscenities at my... my little girl. But you keep coming back here, honey, and I'm going broke.
Lindsay Funke : [Touched]  That's all I've ever wanted from you, Daddy- for you to spend money on me.
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[repeated lines] 
Lucille : You're high.
Oscar : You're drunk.

Michael : My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something I can't give her, um... maybe a little "afternoon delight".
Narrator : Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior.
Oscar : Well sure, my question is, which way do I try to get it in her?
Michael : I don't need any details.
Oscar : Maybe I'll put it in her brownie
Michael : Hey.
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George Sr. : You should have seen the face he made when - well, he's my twin brother, I'll show you.
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Narrator : After being arrested, George Sr. found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system...
George Sr. : [holds up wad of cash]  I have...
[clears throat] 
George Sr. : ... I have money
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George Sr. : Listen... Let him go. Let your son go.
Michael : I can't do that, Dad. He needs me.
George Sr. : Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster.
Michael : Yeah, boy. What happened there?
George Sr. : I really don't know. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy.
[Buster yawns next to him] 
George Sr. : I don't know, maybe it was my fault. Maybe, uh, maybe I just ignored the guy.
[Buster finishes yawning although George Sr is ignoring him] 
Buster : Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?
Michael : Yeah, I got to let my son go.
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George Sr. : [via satellite from prison]  Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not - not wag our genitals at one another to make a point.
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George Sr. : [via satellite from prison]  Chanukah can be spelled so many ways. Oh God.

George Sr. : Look, I just need something to read. Pop-pop gets a Grisham?

Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard]  The car.
George Sr. : Up yours Granny.
Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
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Lucille : Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason.
George Sr. : Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?
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George Michael Bluth : [George Michael is finishing a eulogy for George Sr]  I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls real soon.
George Sr. : [watching from the attic]  How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings?
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[on the phone] 
George Michael : Hello, Bluth Company.
[Listens] 
George Michael : Talk you off? Talk you off what, Pop-Pop?
George Sr. : Oh, George Michael. I thought you were - when's that voice gonna drop?
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George Bluth, Sr. : Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
Michael Bluth : Just one? No. No idea. It sounds wonderful, though.
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[flashback to George Sr. driving a younger Michael, Gob, and Buster] 
George Sr. : We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note.
[suddenly he runs down J. Walter Weatherman and his fake arm comes off] 
George Sr. : [poorly acting]  Why? If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm. Why?
[the kids scream as Weatherman comes up to them] 
J. Walter Weatherman : And that's why you always leave a note.
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[Gob has gotten George Michael to break in and steal company records] 
George Sr. : You got my 14-year-old grandson do this?
Gob : Under 18 walks out clean.
George Sr. : Listen, um... there's a very strict "no touching policy" here. But, um... oh, what the hell, it's worth a week in the hot box.
[Hits Gob] 
Prison guard : No touching.
George Sr. : You stupid ass.
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Oscar : Your mother called me for a reason. I don't think she's happy.
Buster : No, my mother's happy. She's just mean all the time.
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George Sr. : [explaining why he left the company to Lucille]  They cannot charge a husband and wife for the same crime.
Michael : That's not true.
George Sr. : Really?
Michael : Yep.
George Sr. : [whispering]  I got the worst
[bleep] 
George Sr. : -ing attorneys.
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Michael : [discussing evidence that links George Sr. to Saddam Hussein]  If this information was so damaging, why didn't you just shred it?
George Sr. : Well, Saddam owed us money.
Michael : And you didn't realize that he wouldn't pay?
George Sr. : Your mom had a good feeling about him.
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George Sr. : [George Sr. is hiding in the attic, Michael brings him some food]  Does Pop-pop get a treat?
Michael : No, Pop-pop does not get a treat, I just brought you a fucking pizza.
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George Sr. : Don't get involved. Believe me. When I thought your first wife was pulling us apart, I did not make a stink.
Michael : You complained all the time and she was my only wife and she died.
George Sr. : Well, see? Things have a way of working themselves out.
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George Sr. : Soak the puppet's mouth with ether, and have Franklin give Lucille a kiss to knock her out.
Gob : [as Franklin]  I ain't kissin' that ol' bitch.
George Sr. : [starts to choke Franklin]  That's my wife, you bastard.
Gob : Dad, that's my wrist.
[as George Sr. chokes Gob] 
Gob : Hey, that's his neck.
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Lucille : You're HIGH!
Oscar : You're DRUNK!

Michael Bluth : I need you to do something to my mom that I cannot do. Maybe some Afternoon Delight.
Oscar : Ah. Now the question is, how do I get it in her?
Narrator : Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannibus called "Afternoon Delight". It was known for the ability to slow down reflexes.
Michael Bluth : I don't want any details...
Oscar : Maybe I'll put it in her brownie...
Michael Bluth : Hey.
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Michael Bluth : Look, you can't risk leaving the attic any more.
George Sr. : When have you seen me outside?
Michael Bluth : Yesterday at the Ford Dealer.
George Sr. : Yeah, well, have you seen those new Mustangs? I'm telling you - you could hump the hood.
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Oscar : [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard]  The car.
George Sr. : [ing by George Sr]  Up yours Granny.
Lucille : You couldn't handle it.
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George Sr. : [talking to the stockholders]  ... And Gilligan has told me that my money will be safe in I.R.A.s.
Ira Gilligan : Sir, it's Ira.
George Sr. : Sorry, Gilligan. My money will be safe in Iras.
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George Sr. : [pleading his case to the Mexican police]  Wait a minute, I'm not Oscar, I'm George.
Prison guard : The Cornballer.
George Sr. : Si, si, the cornballer.
[the Mexican guards show George Sr. their scarred arms from using the Cornballer] 
Narrator : George Sr. had been marketing a device called "The Cornballer" in Mexico after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S.
[footage of George Sr. strangling Richard Simmons] 
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Michael Bluth : That's why people don't typically cook in these things or install them in attics. Besides, you made me look very foolish in front of Sally Sitwell.
George Sr. : Did you stick it to her?
Michael Bluth : No. You screwed that up just like you screwed up this hot tub.
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George Sr. : The Brits set me up. I heard nothing about Iraq.
Michael : Dad, we have a picture of you and Saddam Hussein.
[picture of George Sr. shaking hands with Saddam Hussein. Caption says "Bluth-Hussen Meeting 1998." ] 
George Sr. : I thought he was the Soup Nazi. I was just congratulating him on a great job.
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